Navigating the Emotional Challenges of downsizing

Downsizing when moving house isn’t just a logistical exercise. If it was it would still be a difficult thing to do. At whatever stage of life it happens, downsizing is an emotional rollercoaster that many people find incredibly challenging. In this article we’ll explain some of the challenges that downsizing brings, from overcoming the emotions of decluttering to downsizing with children, and suggest ways that these can be managed effectively.

Managing change when downsizing

Taking the decision to downsize, and embarking upon the process of decluttering, can be highly emotional. Properties that have been the family home for many years are full of sentimental attachments, and it’s natural to have feelings of loss, sadness or even grief. It’s not just a tatty armchair that’s seen better days – it’s the chair where you read bedtime stories to your children, or grandchildren. But while it will be difficult, the emotional aspects of downsizing can be managed in a positive way.

Coping with emotional attachments

As you sort through your possessions, deciding what to keep and what to discard, memories will be stirred. It’s important to acknowledge those feelings, even be overwhelmed by them if you need to be, but after the emotion has subsided remain focused on the task in hand. If these items are things you no longer need, and you won’t have room for them in your new property, it’s time to move on. Instead why not create ‘memory boxes’, with old photos, letters or memorabilia, which you can take with you?

Once your old home is empty, spend some time in each room, remembering what it means to you. The items may be gone but you will always have the memories.

Overcoming uncertainty

Most people who are moving to a smaller property are nearing retirement age or have already retired, so it’s natural to feel nervous about what the future holds. Talk about these feelings, but also understand why you’re going through this process. Allow yourself to plan what life in your new property will be like, and focus on the positive aspects – less time and money having to be spent on maintaining a larger property, being closer to loved ones, or living in a location that is better suited to you.

Building emotional resilience during the downsizing process

Try to be actively involved in disposing or recycling of your possessions. If you are able to, such as taking items to charity shops, going to the recycling centre, or selling items on online auction sites. This can help to bring closure. It might also provide a sense of achievement, and replace negative with positive emotions.

Looking after your wellbeing throughout the process

There’ll be days when downsizing feels like it’s all too much. If you’re going through the process alone, it’s even more important to seek support from friends and family members, or to ask for help. Organisations like Independent Age and Age UK will be able to provide practical and emotional support, if you need it.

Downsizing with children

Sometimes downsizing is a necessity, rather than a choice.

Perhaps it’s because of a change in financial circumstances, divorce, or that you can no longer afford the costs associated with a larger home. Or you might want to use the money you’ll save from living in a smaller home for other things. Either way, people often find that they are downsizing at different stages of life. If children are involved, especially younger children, this can be a challenging time.

Communicating with children about a potential move

It’s important to involve your children as you discuss the possibility of downsizing. If you have a young family, clearly but sympathetically explain the reasons for moving to a smaller property, in age appropriate language. If you are also relocating to a new area, emphasise the positives – the excitement of starting a new school and making new friends – rather than dwelling on the negatives of the process.

Involving children in the downsizing process

Children should be able to shape some of the details of downsizing.

If they are having to share a bedroom in their new home, when they previously had a room to themselves, this will be a difficult transition to make. Let them lead their decluttering, when favourite toys may have to be given away, or allow them a say in how their new rooms will be decorated or arranged. There are life lessons in letting go of things, and there will be benefits if the children feel like they are involved, rather than downsizing being imposed on them.

Helping children adjust to a new home and environment

Leaving a much-loved family home – possibly the only one they have ever known – can be extremely traumatic for children. Parents should try to ensure that children are supported as much as possible as they adjust to their new surroundings. Keep routines as predictable as they were before, such as mealtimes, bedtime rituals or weekend treats. Explore your new community together, as a family, and make children feel as safe as they did in their former home.

Frequently asked questions

What are the long-term effects of downsizing?

There are usually significant financial consequences in downsizing – in fact, that’s why most people do it. You’ll be paying less in council tax, housing maintenance costs and will have released equity from your former home. Downsizing brings greater financial freedom, and sometimes a change in lifestyle.

What is the best age to downsize your home?

There is no right or wrong age to downsize, but most people downsize in their 50s or 60s, when they are either preparing for retirement or have already retired. This is usually because they are living in a larger property than they need, with children having grown up and left the family home. They are sometimes known as ‘empty nesters’.

Is moving house stressful for children?

Yes, moving home, and especially relocating to a different area, can be very difficult for children. It’s important to support them emotionally during this period, and help them adjust to their new home.

What not to do when downsizing?

Make sure you don’t leave decluttering until the last moment. Plan ahead, and start the decluttering process well in advance of your move. Be ruthless, and don’t be tempted to rent a storage unit – that way you will put off having to dispose of your items.

haart is on a mission to get you moved

haart has plenty of advice about downsizing and the options available for people planning their retirement. If you need any advice, get in touch with us today.